Barry Currin

I am devastated to be learning just now that a new version of the “ABC Song” has surfaced.

Someone should’ve told me this sooner.

Apparently, the change dates back to 2019, but the story went viral back in May when a TikTok influencer, a mother of seven kids, posted a video of her singing the new version. In just a few months, the video has garnered more than 9 million views.

The change separates the L-M-N-O-P part, giving the N two beats instead of one. Now, it goes something like this, L-M-N, (beat) O-P-Q-R.

Then the next measure goes S-T-U (beat).

And this foolishness continues all the way through Z, but I won’t diagram it and dazzle you with any more of my musical knowledge.

You can look it up and listen to it for yourself, but it may trigger some kind of nerve disorder you don’t know you have.

Regardless, the world as we know it will never be the same.

L-N-M-O-P was always the most fun part to sing. It was the guitar solo of the song. It was the part of the song when you held the mic out toward the audience and the whole arena sang it.

Of course, once you throw off the timing halfway through the alphabet, it messes the song up the rest of the way.

According to one place I saw, the change was made “to clarify the letters for children.”

Are we coddling our children so much now that we have to change the timing of the “ABC Song,” for heaven’s sake, so they won’t think L-M-N-O-P is just one big long letter?

Good grief, kids, rub some dirt on it. Get back up and sing the song the right way.

What’s next?

Twinkle, twinkle little star

You’re perfect just the way you are

Up above the world so high

Like a participation ribbon in the sky

Twinkle, twinkle little star

Let’s go get a latte

Hey, if timing doesn’t matter anymore, why should rhyme schemes?

And by the way, am I the only person in the world who didn’t realize these two songs have the same melody?

Meanwhile, we’re still teaching kids a lullaby which involves the child potentially falling out of a tree in his sleep, apparently from a fairly high altitude. What was he doing up there in the first place. Maybe somebody should change that.

The world is tough. If we can’t step up to the plate and learn the most basic and classic song from our first grade classroom, we’re going to have a pretty terrible life.

If we’re going to start messing with classic songs, why should we limit this to children’s songs? I’ve got a new take on a classic rocker. Sing it with me.

Sweet home, Maine, where the skies

Are so blue, sweet home

Maine, Lord I’m coming home

to you ooh, ooh, ooh

When you throw the timing off, it messes up the whole song.

I’ve obviously ridden this train to the end of the line.

It’s time for me to get the L-M-N-O-P out of here.

Barry Currin is founder and President of White Oak Advertising and Public Relations, based in Cleveland, Tenn. Email him at currin01@gmail.com