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Barry Currin

There are two types of people in the world.

Those who say, “I’ll tell you what you should do,” and those to whom it is said.

I am almost always in group two.

The expression comes in several varieties.

“If I were you…”

“I’ll tell you what I would do.”

“If it were me…”

“Do you know what I would do?”

That one is my favorite, because it gives me the chance to reply, “Not really,” though I never do.

We small business owners are the most susceptible group of people to be constantly on the receiving end of such unsolicited advice.

Plus, small business owners by nature are usually independent people, which makes them — okay, us — even more unwilling to listen.

I know this is true, because I frequent several small businesses and I know some of the owners quite well.

I also know this is true because people come in Kim’s glass studio all the time with what they think are the best ideas on the planet, and we rarely want to hear them.

And even when I have an idea for someone which I know is the best idea on the planet, I almost never say it, because I know they don’t want to hear it either.

The trick is to say it without saying it, but I’ve never figured out a crafty way to do it.

Maybe someone will figure it out and tell me how I should do it.

In exactly two hours, I will be sitting in a doctor’s office waiting room.

This is not something I am looking forward to. You know the old saying, “It’s only a minor procedure if it’s happening to someone else.”

Once the dental assistant said to me, “We all know this isn’t your favorite place to be.”

I’ve mentioned that exchange before. I don’t know anyone who yearns to go to any kind of a medical office.

I sure don’t. But I’m going, as much as I don’t want to.

Heck, I’ve already paid the co-pay. Maybe that’s how they get people like me not to no-show their appointments.

And I’ve already survived the online checkin process, which as you probably know involved an excruciatingly infinite list of questions.

I felt like I was being mentally waterboarded.

I even had to attest that I don’t use recreational drugs.

I’ve had the appointment for five days. And during that time period, I believe I have covered every possible scenario, including the one where the doctor lets me do it myself.

Despite all the anxiety, I am considering myself a brave little soldier just for scheduling it.

And like lots of things like this, I know the buildup will be much more unpleasant than the actual experience.

But if Gabriel does blow his horn in the next hour and 45 minutes, that’ll be me running past you to be first in line.

The word “syllable” is three syllables long.

It’s the hypocrite of words.

I’ve had that joke on my idea list for months, and it cracks me up every time I see it.

The only problem is, I cannot think of anything whatsoever to add to it to beef it up to a couple of hundred words.

So I’m just going to put it out there, be done with it and listen for a trumpet.

Barry Currin is founder and President of White Oak Advertising and Public Relations, based in Cleveland, Tenn. Email him at currin01@gmail.com

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